My passive aggressiveness, that is. I really think I've been passive aggressive for a loooong time an dit's not how most people work through their issues, is it? I think not. Sometimes I'm vocal about it, sometimes I am not. But really, it's not a cute trait. I'm trying to change that. I really am. In fact, I would like to know everyone that I'm working on it. And that in working on my passive aggressiveness, it means I'll be more actively aggressive.

So yeah, remember that. It's important

edit:
In the mean time, to stave off the aggressiveness, I'll spend my moments at Starbucks being as nice as possible, enjoying the season that I refer to as "holiday cup season". The red cups just make me so happy that I can't help but be in a good mood.

I am on Facebook. I mean, who isn't? For the most part I'll ignore the little notifications if they don't include an application I already use because I don't want to have 20 different applications and well, be a 'Facebook whore'. Nope, that's not my dream. But today, for the 4th time, there was a little thing that said someone had answered a question about me and to click to see what they thought.

Now, it's one thing to have opinions about someone else (we all do, don't we?), but it's another to be quizzed on them. Like, in written form. At least that's what I think. So, I clicked on the application because curiosity got the best of me. It usually does. These are the results of the quiz (sorry it's blurry).

Um, really? People are being asked/asking these kinds of questions about me? I had no idea. Really, no idea. You can see that there's an option where I can see who said which thing, but I honestly don't want to know. That would freak me out I think, knowing in the back of my mind. I was notified that one of the managers at work answered one of these and I'm hoping it's the third one because... well, *awkward*.

But I mean, really, who asks these kinds of questions? And the more important question: is there no inner monologue anymore??

So, I have insomnia. Big deal, so do many other people. Though, it's at a point where I personally can not handle it anymore, so I went to my doc. She prescribed me Ambien in 6.25mg tablets and to give her a call if they weren't working. Well, no surprise to me when they didn't work. More like, I could feel them trying to work but my body/mind just wasn't cooperating. And I don't really like taking pills to begin with ('side effects' always get me), but this was causing problems in my life. I tried them for about 10 days, just to be sure I was giving them a fair try. But, awake and more awake I stayed....

Then I called her and told her as much. She called in a prescription for the 12.5mg pills. I was so excited for them I can't even tell you. The thought of a good night's sleep was seriously becoming a sad one as I thought it would never happen. But these pills were going to change all that. Or so I thought. I finished dinner around 8pm'ish and I took the pills around 11pm'ish. You're supposed to take them on an empty stomach but, well, I was hungry lol. There's only the risk of delayed reaction, so no biggie. I was still awake around 11:30, then 12:15 then 12:30 and I was hating myself for even trying them... just a waste of money.

But then I could sort of feel something. I figured they were just going to force me to sleep, kinda like anasthesia (ps.that would be wonderful!) but not so much. Instead, I began to have alll the delightful side effects (or whatever you'd call them). I started hallucinating. The little teddy bear that sits on my night stand started moving. Like, really moving. It was waving at me and trying to stand up. It does not have moveable joints, so it in no way was going to stand up. I looked away before my mind some how made that happen. I looked at my clock (a big lcd display b/c my vision is bad) to see what time it was... but that too was moving. It was making large sweeping circles around my dresser on which it sits. Uh huh, right. I sat up. I got up. I wobbled. I made my way into the kitchen for the damn bottle of pills with the information just to read the 'side effects' and sure enough, hallucination was there. Granted, it's listed in the 'not common' part, but there nonetheless. So I'm freaked out beyond reason and sure as hell didn't have a restful 8-9 hours of sleep. Maybe... 4-5 at the most.

Remember that scene in Batman Begins, when the guy has that hallucinogenic drug and then wears the mask? Yeah, it was like that. I almost started crying. I guess... I'm back to the whole not sleeping thing then? Fantastic.

ps. I also now have like a bajillion unused prescription pills... anyone know what the proper disposal of them is? I don't think it's simply to throw them away, especially if they've not expired yet... thanks!